Legend has it, Chief Knot Head (the white men call him Scott Cochran) was found in an
Great Eagles nest, (that had been taken over by Vultures) and when it came time to leave
the nest the buzzards pushed him out. Of course he couldn't fly and promptly hit his head on
the ground. Thereby giving him the idea to start a motorcycle publication.
USRiderNews is the result. His favorite t-shirt reads "it's hard to soar with
Eagles, when they charge $80 to see one of their concerts!" His hobbies are riding naked steel horses and weightlifting (12 oz at
a time.) He has a myspace page but all that's in it are
pictures of him cutting the grass in his underwear and we know you don't want to see that.
Cracks the whip whenever needed. (enjoys doing it too!) Job duties include;
Meeting famous people and hobnobbing with celebrities, writes a monthly column called
"View from the Rear." (sounds a lot kinkier than it really is!) She also
sells advertising and keeping the field sales reps in line. Her favorite rally is
Cherokee, spring or fall. Or whenever the casino is open! Her favorite t-shirt
reads; "It's only kinky the first time!"
Her hobbies
have changed in the past few years. She used to love to ride nekkid in the back
of pickup trucks and finding lost money, but today she enjoys the finer things
in life. Things like finding old money and riding nekkid in
expensive European imports.
She has a personal web page and if you'll send her $100 she'll forward you the address
to it. (cash only please!) Oh, and this is a photo of her previous
job as a pickle tester. She got fired from it because....uh..well...it's a
long story.
Duties: Making sure the office runs smooth, or finding someone to blame when the poop
hits the plaster.
HOBBIES:
Hmmm...I've heard of hobbies...that's some sort of kiddies' horse right?
What's that got to do with a motorcycle magazine?
Favorite Hair Color: What? Who the devil wrote this freaking
survey? "X'cuse me a minute...
Celebrity Most Likely to be Mistaken For: Well, I've been told I look
a little like Dolly Parton, but only in the eyes. Whoa there hoss....keep
your eyes up....
Favorite Quote:
There are those that watch, and those that do, and those who watch their do-do,
but I ain't one of 'em, are you?
Duties and Responsibilities: It's my job to ensure that all the
ads in the paper are in the paper. You see, sometimes ads that are in
the paper are not actually in the paper and this can cause problems.
Also, I'm the guy who designs the layouts you love to see. As for the
layouts that suck, well, that's someone else's job. I used to have
that job, but I got promoted, so...
FAVORITE HOBBY:
Watching Olympic Volley-Ball....I mean who doesn't enjoy watching
women in skimpy clothing jumping around slapping each other on the butt?
Most Exciting Date: I went out with a professional
wrestler...uh...well I didn't know she was professional at the time....I
thought she was amateur until she made me pay her...
Role Model:
I grew up wanting to be Flash Gordon...he was da man! I had a
pair of Flash Gordon underwear that I got once for Christmas that I wore
for years. Well, actually, until last year...they finally..uh...disintegrated.
PHOTO EXPLAINED: Pay attention
class, this will be on the test.
Favorite Quote: "Daddy Frank, the guitar man, was blind."
his is the profile of the ghost that works at the office. We don't
have a good picture of the ghost, because, well....he (or she) is a freaking
ghost. Which brings up the age old question, how do you check the
sex of a ghost? Of course not everyone in the office is convinced
there's a ghost.....some of us believe it's the tooth fairy, or a leprechaun
that doesn't want to be seen. One thing's for certain, ghost sightings
are highest on Mondays, (after long weekend motorcycle rallies) and after
office parties where alcohol is imbibed. We're investigating the cause
and effect. We left this survey for the ghost to fill out and while we're
not entirely convinced it's the ghost handwriting, we'll let you decide.
FAVORITE HAUNTS:
Dusty and dark spots?....actually, no...I enjoy hanging out in the
bathroom...ok, so call me a pervert but don't tell me you wouldn't take a
peek too.....
Favorite Music: Anything
but Country....geez, I'm dead already and it makes me want to cut my
wrists!
Least Favorite Television
Show: Casper the Ghost...what a jerk-off...he gives us real ghosts
a bad rep...
What you miss the most about
having a body: I kinda miss those long hot showers in the locker
room, and spending time in a hot tub with my sister.....HA! Just
kidding....had you going there for a minute didn't I...ha ha ha ha...no
really, I don't miss the showers...
Cristina
"you can't fool me"
Guzman
Graphic Designer
Duties: Putting pretty pictures in the paper. I also keep Teresa busy trying to
keep me from going to sleep. I think I do some other stuff too, but this
hangover is fogging my noggin.
Favorite things not related to work: Pretty much anything not related
to work is my favorite thing, except when goofing off becomes so much of a chore
that it resembles work, and then what's the use, I might as well work.
Favorite Television Show: I'm tempted to say USRiderTV and brown-nose
the chief a little bit, but the truth is I like Spongebob Square Pants, that
yellow fellow is a major hunk...If I was spilled kool-aid, I'd want Sponge Bob to soak me up!
Favorite Tourist Spot:Any where that "dueling banjo"
music is played. The first time I saw Deliverance I just had to buy the
record! Yee-Haw...!
Life
Motto: If you think your
life sucks, then it probably does, and I have the best boss in the world.
(sorry, I couldn't help but suck up a little bit...I'm looking for a raise...!)
Most
Embarrasing Moment: You mean other than the one in this photo?
I didn't think so.
Favorite Band:
Well, it aint' Harold Melvin and the
Blue Notes...oh, and don't even suggest Barry Man oh low, or Elton
John...
Favorite Four
Letter Word:
@&%$# Wait, that's five letters...shit...!
Favorite Time of
Day: Break Time, Quittin' Time, Beer-Thirty, Boob o'
Clock, you get the idea
Favorite Quote:
Gimme a Dr. Pepper and a Diablo sandwich and make it quick I'm in a
#$%@&* Hurry!
Favorite Holiday: Halloween! (I also
like Spank'eeloon, held on the 5th of each month, unless that falls on a
Friday then it's celebrated twice next month)
Favorite Favorites: "what da F...$# does
that mean?
Ever
been arrested? Once, for aggravated
hibachi'ery and felonious skullduggery, but I was acquitted because I
married the States Witness and she couldn't be compelled to testify
against me!
What
This Photo Says About Me:
It says that sometimes I drink too much tequila and
have friends who like to make me act stupid...oh, and it says my wife
Melanie LOVES ME VERY MUCH!
Neale is a free lancer. No that's not his
sexual orientation, that just means he writes for a bunch of different
rags...whoever is willing to pay him....uh..well...maybe that does have some
deeper sexual meaning..?? Anyway, he may be cheap but he ain't easy....Has
ridden all over India, Europe, and even Florida! (he gets around a lot) He
resides now in the mountains of North Carolina and is being credited with ending
the Hatfield and McCoy feud. They said that they'd rather shoot Englishmen
than each other....sounds like a plan....no wait guys..we need him to
write...maybe just wing him...ok?
Favorite Shirt: Death Before Employment.
Favorite Bar: Bar, I don't say bar, you
bugger...I'm English. We drink in a Pub.
Favorite Motorcycle: The one that gets me
there and back.
Most Memoriable Experience: I once
took a bath where Ghandi bathed. It wasn't easy, let me tell you....that
Ghandi was a short sucker...
Favorite Motorcycle Ride:
The one where I don't break any bones!
Favorite Shirt:
OK...what's this got to do with me winning the lottery? Huh?
Favorite Motor Cycle:
The one that has gas in it! (I have two...well 1 and a half now)
Favorite Holiday: if it gets me out of
work and I get a new tattoo or a new motorcycle or a back rub, foot rub,
pedicure, manacure...wait...is there a real cure for a man? I need
to look into that!
Biggest Dislike: I ain't real crazy
about Editors who chop up my work and make me sound like a doofus...and
of course filing out this moronic survey ranks right up there with
cuddling with an armadillo...not that I know what a armadillo cuddle
like, but the two have to be related...cousins maybe...? Hey
Danny! What's an armadillo feel like?
This is Danny, aka "Mr. Bead"
He is instantly recognizable by the thousands of people who attend the
bike nights he and Jana host in the Metro Atlanta area. He's also
well known to everyone who visits the Post Office daily. His
picture is usually on top. Not that he's a criminal, he just likes
seeing his picture in the Post Office.....(we don't try to understand
it...we just accept it...cuz everyone has a fetish right?)
First Motorcycle Ride: Ahhh....let's
see....does my old Hot Wheels count? Technically it's a trike, but
hey, I was a chick magnet even back then!
Favorite Moto Road Food: I
enjoy eating wings....preferably after they've been off the chicken for
a while and then cooked but sometimes you take what you can get...
Least Favorite Motorcycle
Rally:
The only rallies I don't like are the ones I can't take time off from
work to attend. It pisses me off and I think they should move
those rallies to a date that doesn't conflict with my work
schedule. But, now that I think about it, why am I letting work
interfere with my bead habit?
Most Shocking Picture: There was this
time down in Milledgeville that involved a couple of goats but I swear
it wasn't me...it might look like me, but it wasn't me....naaaaaaa
Biggest Joy in Life: I have to
say that working for Full...uh (cough, sputter) I mean working for
USRiderNews is my biggest joy....hey, enough questions, I've got a bike
night to attend...you coming?
Anna and her husband Trae, (he's the one working while she's in the spotlight!) are from North Georgia. They
used to be from that other place, but that was before they moved. Now
they're not there anymore. But, we're sure glad they're here because it's
way more fun here than there.
Favorite Song: Anything by the Slick
Slippers, or that new band, The Dongles..yea, they're huge...
Favorite Time of Day: Dahling...anytime
you spend with me would be special...
Favorite Motorcycle Rally: If I tell
you then you might show up with a camera and before you know it I've blown my
cover!
Celebrity most often mistaken
for: Stacks....she was a
famous twin and if you know who she was then you're old enough to know
better....
Quote Most Often Misquoted:
I once said I'd try anything once and when the time came I couldn't back out so
I tried it. Well, now I have a new saying....."I'll try anything once,
twice, three times....hey, someone bring me a calculator!"
Teresa
hates for her picture to be taken, and well...judging by her behavior in these
photos we understand why! Her normal duties include those duties that are
normal. The abnormal dooties are not her responsibility but she has been
known to take an abnormal dooty from time to time..
Favorite Drink: There's this new
drink called "Get that dang camera out of my face!" I like that one..oh
and a cold can of BLight is tasty.
Favorite TV Fantasy: Being
investigated by Gus Grissom...whew...he makes me blow a fuse.....no wait dangit...that's
not what I mean!
Favorite Motorcycle Rally: I like the
ones where nobody is sticking a camera in my face...and some where I get to
sleep on a Smurf bed...and crawl to the bathroom...yea....love those...and
anywhere that sexy Scott is playing...no dangit, not the boss Scott, the sexy
one, with the abs and pecs, and long...uh....well, never mind, but that one!
The Person I'd Most Like To
Meet Not On TV:
Dang you idiots like to make this a hard survey don't you..? If they ain't
on TV why would I want to meet them? Is it time for lunch now?
At the
present time, Silent Bob has not returned his survey. As you can see from
this photo it appears he has a good reason for his tardiness. In his
position as Koozie Tester, Bob is responsible for testing every free koozie we
give away. What does this have to do with publishing a first class
magazine such as USRiderNews? I'm surprised you have to ask. Every
smart business owner knows that it's essential to have a Consultant on retainer,
and our sources tell us that BOB is the best there is. Is BOB worth what
we're paying him? Well, since we give away hundreds of koozies all the
time and each one has to pass a rigorous 3 beer test, and we've never had a
defective koozie get past him since he joined our team, we think it's money well
spent! Silent Bob, the koozie tester, we salute you...
If
you're wondering why this picture is so, uh...well...vanilla,
it's because all the ones you would label tutee fruity are in the
subscriber section. If you're a subscriber and you've seen the
pictures of events that John and Becky cover for us, then you're well aware of
what we're talking 'bout! You might not recognize this couple at your
rally but if they're there, chances are you've got a picture of them in your
camera too!
Favorite Outfit(s)
(Both)
Are you kiddin' us? The ones we were born with!
Favorite Smoke:(John) Ah..you're
trying to catch me in a Clinton moment huh...well, for your info I'm a Arturo
Fuente man...and I only smoke 'em...no seasoning required.
Least Favorite thing about riding a
motorcycle(John)
The dreaded monkey butt! I have, though, found something that works
wonders....it's (whisper) Vagisil powder..ok..quit laughing...try it on a
700 day ride in 100 degree heat and you'll be thanking me in person...
(Becky) So...!
That's why my damn Vagisil has been disappearing! I thought the maid was using
it...
Favorite Tattoo John- I like
the one on the lower back with arrows pointed to the dimples saying, "put thumbs
here." Becky - I like that one too!
Best Advice for packing for a long
motorcycle weekend. (Becky) 'Take the batteries out of the
toys...take the batteries out of the toys....
Trey & Christy - Middle Georgia Reps
( and part time conga line leaders)
That's
Trey and Christy on the far left leading the Congo line. What you can't
see are the 200 other drunks following
behind..(we cropped them out because some of them are in the witness protection
program) .tragically right after this picture was taken, Christy tripped
over a dangling doodad and the whole line went down...! That's her on the right.
We're happy to say she made a full recovery and is back to dancing the conga
every night!
Trey and
Christy are the reigning banana peeling contest winners at HIggston Hawg Fest,
beating out another magazine for the title! We had a picture of that
contest, but it was too risqué for even this website!
Bikers
through and through best describe this couple....in fact they even named their
precious daughter "Harley." (there's some debate on whether that was
intentional because they were filling out their tag registration the same time
and now they have a tag for a motorcycle model called "Janice" but who are we to
question fate.) Look for this dynamic duo at motorcycle events all around
the area there in. Of course if they're not in that area, then they won't
be at that rally. We were going to send them a survey but seeing how
they did the last time they filled out some paperwork, we thought it best not to
temp fate a second time.
Coming Soon, Just Jill, Christy & Trey, Lynne, Wally, Jay,
Soybean, Paul M. Doobie
Scott Cochran
Sylvia Cochran
Tiffany
"Puddin Wrestling Queen"
Giles
HENRY
"WILD MAN"
WHEELER
Neale Bayly
Anna and her husband Trae, (he's the one working while she's in the spotlight!) are from North Georgia. They
used to be from that other place, but that was before they moved. Now
they're not there anymore. But, we're sure glad they're here because it's
way more fun here than there. 
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